The Strength of Sisterhood

In a recent coaching session, my client brought up how important it is to lift other women up instead of tearing them down. Something I firmly believe, but it got me thinking about why this is truer now than ever. It seems like society is always pitting us against each other and we are led to believe we must compete in our looks, our status, and our relationships. It is hard to be supportive when we are told we must keep up with or surpass all those perfectly filtered social media images. (I think we really just want to see some imperfection out there so we can lighten up on ourselves.)

We need to remember that no matter what society and mass media is telling us we are so much stronger together! Supportive relationships may not make exciting reality TV shows, but they make a good foundation for our well-being. As difficult as it is for me to open up to others (although I’m getting better), I can see the value in strong female friendships. We need each other.

Life can be overwhelming on our own. Having the support of others who know exactly what it means to be a woman in this day and time is invaluable. Nothing against my husband, but he doesn’t fully understand where I’m coming from in a few areas. And that’s ok. He doesn’t have to understand everything. As women we don’t all share the same background and experiences, but the sisterhood of just being a woman is universal.

Talking about abuse with other women helped me move forward by leaps and bounds in my healing. It’s only been the last couple of years that I’ve felt that I could let down my walls with other women and it’s been such a relief to be heard and understood. Too many times we are dismissed or looked at with a little (or a lot) of skepticism when we tell our story. That in itself feels like abuse. You either begin to doubt what you went through or feel you should hide it away. Bring women together who have been through similar experiences though and suddenly it's as if the sun breaks through the clouds. The truth is brought into the light and you can see it for exactly what it is, abuse. Bringing women together can create a space where we feel safe to heal, grow, and thrive.

When women come together, we can push back on that whole competition crap that is thrown at us. We can actively work to shift our mindset from comparison to celebration. I’m not saying there won’t be a twinge of jealousy here and there. There will be and it doesn’t make you a bad person. What I am saying is that if we don’t entertain the jealousy and feed it, we can triumph over it. Starting with an awareness of our feelings and an attempt to get to the bottom of the reasons for our jealousy. Is it because we don’t feel good about our bodies? Relationships? Careers? Whatever it may be, this would be a good area to explore. Ask your women friends for their thoughts. Open up a dialogue. You’ll probably see you’re not the only one, which is always helpful, you can find ways to help each other move beyond jealousy, and you will deepen friendships along the way.

There’s strength in coming together. There are challenges, even today, with being a woman. We have so many opportunities open to us, but there are still outdated ideas and prejudices we are working against. You can walk into any number of auto shops, gyms, and churches and prove this one true. I’m thankful there are more avenues open to us than marriage or a brothel now, but the attitudes are still oddly prevalent. Is it a Southern state thing? Whatever it is, I’m tired of it. I feel like if we had more women supporting each other it would help tremendously.

We need to be setting an example for the next generation of women. They are watching us. If they can see us encouraging and supporting one another they will learn to do the same. They will learn that it isn’t necessary to put each other down to make themselves look good. They will realize they don’t have to climb over the backs of other women to be successful and fulfilled. Then we will see generations of women lifting each other up so that together we all rise!

If you are like me and struggle to let others into your life, I hope you will begin to reach out to other women. Find the ones that accept you as you are but also challenge you to explore new possibilities and ideas. Find women who cheer you on but also are not afraid to tell you the truth. It may take some coming out of your shell and it may (will) be uncomfortable but it will be worth it. If you have a daughter or young woman in your life, I hope you will share this message with them. I hope you will show them what strong female relationships can look like and how necessary they are. They deserve it.

Side note: I’ve always been envious of girlfriends who seem to group together effortlessly. They welcome each other with a familiarity that usually takes me months if not years to achieve. Are all these groups as encouraging and supportive as they seem? I hope so. It certainly looks that way on the outside looking in. If it’s not, maybe you could be the one to make some changes.

I want to hear about your female friendships! Do you belong to one of the girl squads that look like so much fun or are you more of a loner?

Stay well, my Friends!

Alicia