Breaking Free from Rigid Routines

"Stay committed to your decisions but stay flexible in your approach." -Tony Robbins

I love a good routine. As someone who wrestles with anxiety, having a plan and knowing what’s coming next gives me a much-needed sense of control. A set routine can be grounding and comforting.

But that same routine that brings me comfort can also start to feel rigid, suffocating, and unforgiving. Instead of it serving me, I become a slave to it. And when life inevitably interrupts my “perfect” schedule, I feel thrown off balance. Sometimes I even slip into that all-too-familiar spiral: I failed…again.

When I began running seriously, I made a monthly running schedule. (Of course, I did!) Every day was carefully planned. I left no room for how my body felt, weather conditions, or any other outside interruptions. There could be no deviations; otherwise, I failed. I stuck to it religiously, and it served me well until the inevitable happened: an overuse injury sidelined me for six months.

Do you see yourself in any of this? I know I’m not alone. Routines, like anything else, can be both a tool and a trap. The real question is: does your routine support your life, or has it started running the show?

Let’s talk about how to recognize the difference and what to do when you feel like your schedule has you in a chokehold.

The Good Side of Routines

There’s no denying that routines are powerful. They give structure, reduce decision fatigue, and help us stay on track with things that matter: health habits, rest, productivity, and even relationships. Especially for anxious minds, a routine can be a source of calm.

The danger comes when that structure hardens into rigidity. When “helpful” turns into “have to.”

Signs You’re Serving the Routine

• You feel anxious or guilty if you miss a step.

• You pass up meaningful opportunities because they don’t fit the schedule.

• You’re clinging to habits that no longer align with your values, goals, or needs.

If any of that sounds familiar, it may be time to loosen your grip.

How to Make Sure Your Routine Serves You

1. Keep the Purpose Front and Center

Every habit in your routine should connect to a bigger goal; better health, more peace, deeper connection. If you’ve lost sight of the “why,” it’s easy to get stuck serving the habit instead of the purpose. Ask yourself: Is this still helping me live the life I want?

2. Build in Flexibility

Routines don’t need to be strict schedules. Try:

• Buffer time: leave space between commitments so you can shift if needed.

• Options: instead of “I walk at 9 a.m.,” try “I move my body sometime this morning.”

• Mini versions: create a shorter fallback version of your routine for days when (not if) life gets messy.

3. Reframe Missed Days

Missing a routine isn’t failure, it’s feedback. Life is dynamic, and so should your habits be. The goal is consistency over time, not perfection every single day.Mindset shift: “Today didn’t go as planned. That doesn’t erase all the progress I’ve made.”

4. Practice Planned Flexibility

This one feels counterintuitive, but it works: once a week, purposely break your routine in a small way. Sleep in a little, swap your usual workout for a walk with a friend, or skip the list and see what happens. It helps you remember that you are in charge, not the schedule.

Reset When Routines Take Over

When you realize your routine is running you, take a step back. Breathe. Acknowledge what’s happening without judgment. Then choose one tiny adjustment; maybe shift a time, skip a step, or swap the order, just to prove to yourself that the world won’t crumble.

It’s not about abandoning your routine, and it’s certainly not failure. It’s about remembering why you started it in the first place: to support your life, not control it.

Remember

Routines can either be anchors that steady you or chains that hold you back. The difference lies in flexibility, mindset, and grace. The next time you feel yourself tensing up because life disrupted your schedule, pause and ask:

Does this routine serve me right now? Or am I serving it?

That little question might be all it takes to loosen the grip and step back into balance.

Stay well, my friends!

Alicia