The Endless Pursuit of Thin

We were raised with the message that being thin was the most important thing in the world.

Forget health, whatever extreme measures have to be taken, starvation diets, pills, detoxes, surgeries, making ourselves smaller is the way to love, happiness, and success. It’s what we have been told, either directly or indirectly, our entire lives. Almost everything we have seen and heard on television or social media has reinforced the idea. To be thin is to be beautiful! Sure, there have been changes in the last few years, with body acceptance campaigns, but it’s hard to accept when the message has been beaten into us for so long. I wonder how much time we’ve wasted thinking and talking about being thinner. Somehow, I doubt that our female ancestors were sitting around in the caves talking about their bellies and underarm fat. They were just trying to survive, and the fatter the better. Maybe that is part of the issue. We have too much time on our hands. Not that I want to go back to worrying about basic survival, but surely we can find better things to do with our time.

We are obsessed with an insane standard of beauty that we have no way of reaching. The current American ideal still seems to be thin, of course, but not just thin. There must be no extra fat, loose skin, dimples, or cellulite; basically, we should be airbrushed. We can’t have reality getting in the way of true beauty. And now in addition to thin, we should also be toned. (How I loathe that word.) I believe the accepted definition of toned is to look like you go to the gym regularly, but not so much that you have gasp too much muscle, whatever that is. Some men, and a fair number of women, are very vocal about the percentage of acceptable muscle for a woman these days. Do you suppose the cave-dwelling men complained about the women who were strong enough to help kill, clean, and butcher a mammoth? “Gee, Martha, thanks for helping me run down the beast, but your thighs are getting much too muscular for my taste. Really starting to make me look bad. Think you could work on that?” Yeah, I don't think so.

When I started fitness training, I received so many questions from clients about eating for weight loss. I decided that it would be helpful to get some nutrition training and see if I could help women aim for a healthy lifestyle rather than just getting smaller. Weight loss might be a part of that equation, but I didn’t want it to be the only part. After all, health is about so much more! It didn’t quite go the way I planned. The reality was that for almost every client who said they wanted to get healthy, the bottom-line goal was strictly a number on a scale. No other health markers were as important. I watched that obsession to be thin (and the desire for quick results) sabotage their efforts over and over again. I’m not blaming or shaming anyone. I get it. It’s extremely hard to reframe the “thin is better” message that we’ve been told for 40+ years!

Unfortunately, I’m well aware of the message. My mother was absolutely gorgeous, but she was never happy with the way she looked, mainly because of her weight. She may have been a little bigger at times, but I never thought of her as fat. Ever. If she hadn’t brought it up so much, I wouldn’t have given her weight a second thought. Going through her jewelry after she died, we found a bag full of Weight Watchers pins. Those pins spanned at least 20 years, and to me, they represented so much of what is wrong with our society. Not Weight Watchers specifically, just this fixation on being thin. For what? For who? How sad that my mother wasted so much time (not to mention money) worrying about her size and appearance. We loved her just as she was. I wish she had as well.

You would think the health and wellness industry would be leading the charge on getting past the “thin at all costs” crap, and large sectors of it are doing just that, but the message is still being pushed. Why? Because big bucks are still being made by vultures who prey on women’s fears and insecurities. Yes, as a society, we are larger than we’ve ever been. Obesity is prevalent, and excess weight is linked to many health risks. But the answers are not being found in quick weight loss fads with little regard for health. If the answer to our weight problem were found in a single shot, pill, or gummy, there would be no problem. The answer is much more complex than that, I'm afraid. It may involve outward intervention, but a lot of inner work as well.

My own issues with this subject are complex as well. I am certainly not immune. I grew up in the 70s and 80s when skinny was coveted above all. (Well, big boobs didn’t hurt, but there wasn’t much I could do in that area. Why is that the only place where extra fat is acceptable?) So now? Every extra roll of fat, dimple of cellulite, and all jiggles and wiggles I see are duly noted. It doesn't always affect me negatively, but I see them. And while it’s not a daily battle anymore, there are still days…days when that little voice in the back of my head gets a little (a lot) louder, telling me I don’t look good enough. On those days, I remind myself of Momma and all the other women out there who have let others’ opinions and a number on a scale dictate their dignity and self-worth.

I can help you craft a healthy lifestyle, give you ideas, inspiration, and support. I can even give you the tools to help you change your mindset and thought patterns, but the work is up to you. It can be done, but like most things, it will take time, effort, and consistency. Sorry! No magic pills!

So, on that note, here is my reminder to myself on those days I can’t drown out the little voice. Feel free to use it as inspiration for your own.

I am not defined by a number, a shape, or a size in a pair of jeans. My self-worth, dignity, and joy come from within. I am worthy just as I am. I will no longer let anyone influence what I should or shouldn’t look like. If I want to lose or gain weight, it will be because it is best for me, for my health, not because of societal demands. If I want to build bigger muscles than the average man, I will do it whether anyone else approves or not. If I want to walk around in a muumuu (ala Mrs. Roper) or a bikini, it will be because that’s what makes me happy, not because anybody else tells me it’s acceptable (or appropriate for that matter.)

I’m secretly hoping for a brigade of Mrs. Ropers soon!

Stay well, my friends. And remember, you are worth so much more than a number.

Alicia