Stepping Out of the Comparison Trap

There she is again. Flawless skin, gorgeous smile, and every muscle clearly defined. She’s working with top-of-the-line gym equipment under expert lighting. Her every movement is polished and showcased in a perfectly edited video. She looks strong, professional, confident; everything I strive for but never seem to achieve. I feel the immediate pang of jealousy and frustration. Will I ever look like that or have a professional setup of that quality?

The comparison trap is easy to fall into under any circumstances, but in this day and age…it’s almost impossible to avoid. I love the fact that I can follow amazing athletes that I might never have heard of in another time. They inspire, motivate, and teach me new ideas. Social media can be a wonderful tool! But when comparison sneaks in, it can really gut your confidence. We can now compare ourselves to just about anyone in the world. What before may have been a small pool has now become a vast ocean of comparison opportunities.

Is comparison all bad?

Comparison can be positive. It can be a way to measure our progress in a particular area. And it can be used for motivation and improvement. Friendly competition can be highly effective in pushing people towards their goals, especially with exercise. But (there’s always a but, isn’t there) unless you are extremely disciplined and have a very healthy self-esteem, comparison can lead to feeling dissatisfied with your own life. Thoughts of “I’ll never look like that, have that, do that, be that...” can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The truth is, whether you are brand new to the fitness world or a seasoned pro, there’s always someone who is going to be “better” than you. Either they’re stronger, faster, do more impressive movements, or just seem to have it more together. They may actually be all those things, or it may just look that way.

We all know that there will always be someone better than us. That woman with near-perfect muscle definition didn’t get there by accident. She may have been training for twenty-plus years, spending hours almost every day in the gym. She may have also spent months in rehab, coming back from injuries. It’s important to remember that most of the time, successful people deserve their success.

We also know that what we see on social media is usually the highlight reels, if not outright lies sometimes. That flawless skin can come from filters and good lighting. (Oh, what I would do for good lighting!) Those perfect moves may have taken more than a few takes to look just right. And AI might have had a little more to do with the video than we know.

So, if we know these things, how can we stop the negative comparison trap? I’m working through these ideas for myself as much as anyone else, so here we go.

Awareness

Too often, we go through life with these intense feelings without ever really stopping to think about what they mean or why they’re coming up. So, first, just take notice when you start comparing yourself to others in a negative light. Don’t beat yourself up about it but take note of what’s going on. Where are you, what are you doing, and who are you with? What are you feeling? Anger, guilt, jealousy, inadequacy, sadness? Put a name to it and then ask yourself why you think those feelings are coming up. You may not have an answer, or you may have some surprising insight.

Eliminate or Avoid Triggers

Some people can inspire and motivate us. They make us feel like we can do and be so much more. They make us feel excited about the possibilities of what we can accomplish. Then there are some who make us feel like we’re never enough and might as well give it up. Those are the people to stay away from or unfollow. What about places? I’ve had more than a few people tell me they come to the senior center to work out because other gyms made them feel like they weren’t good enough to be there. To help avoid the comparison trap, find the people who inspire and motivate you, and the places you feel accepted. It’s not hiding or ignoring your problems; it’s being wise with your time and energy.

Find Your Strengths

It’s easy to forget about our own accomplishments when we are looking at others’ highlight reels. It erodes our confidence, and we feel less than. But you have your own set of strengths unique to you. They may not look like anyone else’s, but that doesn’t make them any less important. It may have been years ago, but it still makes me feel proud to know that I have done things like run a half marathon and hiked a 12k foot mountain. Make a list of things you’re proud of and let that serve as a reminder of your strengths.

Be Grateful

Shift your focus from what your body isn’t or can’t do to what it is and can do. Stop obsessing about what someone else’s life and be grateful for your own. How? Start a daily gratitude practice. Every day, write down three things you are grateful for. “Today I did a 20-minute yoga practice.” “I have a supportive family.” “My body is strong and capable.” This is such a simple thing, but it can have a profound impact on every part of your life.

Stay In Your Lane

We watched a show the other night that involved a race to see who could grab a ball first. The guy in the lead kept looking back at his opponent. It ended up costing him valuable time, and he almost lost the entire thing. Even though he won, he would have had a much easier time if he had just focused on his own efforts. Quit worrying about what everyone else is doing and stay in your own lane.

Compare Yourself to Yourself

If you must compare, then compare who you are today with who you were yesterday, or last month, or last year. Are you moving more? Eating better? Did you learn something over this past year that has helped you move forward? Did you make it through a struggle and come out stronger on the other side? Celebrate all those wins, especially the small ones. The other day, I told Scott that I was struggling with anxiety, and he commented on how much better I was than when we first met. Such a great reminder and so true. My ability to cope and keep things in perspective is miles better. I needed to hear that.

It’s pointless to compare our lives with anyone else because, at the end of the day, we’re all just doing the best we can. The most important thing is to keep showing up for you.

And the next time you catch yourself comparing your progress to someone else’s, take a breath and remember this: What someone else is doing doesn’t take away from your worth.

You’re not here to be anyone else but you.

Alicia