I'm Here Now

These were the words spoken to me by a rather cocky, albeit good-looking fellow years ago. My girlfriends and I had agreed to meet him and his friends at a bar that night. I was a bit put out that he showed up later than I expected and I was doing my best to make him feel guilty. My efforts fell flat. He asked what my problem was, and I told him I was mad he didn’t get there earlier. His answer?

“I’m here now.”

Great response that stopped me cold. We had no set time to meet. I barely knew the man and had no claim to his time. I could either enjoy the evening with everyone or sit there and stew all night. I thought about it for a few minutes and then decided I’d rather dance than stew. (Although I’m pretty good at stewing, dancing is much more fun.) I had a great time the rest of the night.

A completely random event that I would probably barely remember except for that phrase.

I’m here now.

Those words were relegated to the back of my mind until about two years ago. Scott and I were camped in the Valley of the Gods in Utah. I had taken a walk and found myself seated on the edge of a flower-filled natural bowl. Beautiful, rugged, vast land stretched out before me. Not another soul in sight. I felt a peace I’d never experienced and such a strong connection to the moment. It took me a while to realize that, at least for a little while, my constant worrying about the future and rehashing of the past had disappeared. It was as if my body had finally taken a long deep breath and completely relaxed for the first time.

I didn’t want that feeling to end. How could I hold on to that connection and peace? What was it that allowed me to let go of the anxiety and just be content with the moment? I wouldn’t be able to stay in Utah sitting on the edge of my bowl forever. That natural peace around me couldn’t be duplicated in every situation. Normal day-to-day pressures were waiting for me at home. Deadlines, illnesses, minor annoyances, and major headaches would surface. But I wasn’t willing to believe that such an incredible feeling of peace was only possible in a certain place.

That’s when those words floated back to me.

I’m here now.

Why was I remembering a phrase that had nothing to do with what I was experiencing? Or did it? Was there something in that phrase that could remind me that I always had a choice, I wondered. The choice to be in the moment or not. Was there also a way to use that phrase to harness the memory of Utah to help build more awareness in my life? I wasn’t sure where I was going with it, but it gave me a place to start.

That day turned out to be a turning point for me. Having a taste of what was possible spurred me into action. How could I be more present? How could I stop missing out on the moments and create more solid memories? How could I experience more of that incredible peace and relaxation?

Although there have been many actions toward growth in this area over the past two years, “I’m here now” has become a mantra that reminds me that I have a choice. A choice to worry or not. It also reminds me of what I want in my life. More peace, more presence. It provides an anchor when I feel myself spiraling into the vortex that is anxiety. It’s my reminder of what I know is possible.

So, if you’re wondering…

I’m here now. And I choose to dance.

 Stay well, My Friends.

Alicia

Easy to live in the moment and find peace in such a setting.

Valley of the Gods, Utah.