Funhouse Mirror of the Mind

I have a bad habit of all-or-nothing thinking. For instance, if I notice the floor needs sweeping. I will put it off if I don’t have time to clean the entire house. Or I won’t want to work out if I don’t have an hour to spend. There is no middle ground. My brain says either do the whole thing or it’s not good enough. Hardly helpful. It’s a habit I’m trying to break, but it can still rear its head on occasion. The truth is that small positive actions add up over time. This isn't something I don't know, but I have to remind myself all the time.

All-or-nothing, or Polarized thinking is an example of a cognitive distortion. Cognitive distortion simply means that our minds are trying to convince us of something that isn’t true. I see this type of thinking in many of my clients. These types of thought patterns can lead to unnecessary stress, anxiety, depression, and negative emotions that can make a pretty big impact on our health and well-being.

Catastrophizing is another cognitive distortion. It has us expecting the worst possible outcome in every situation. Growing up I convinced myself that if I thought about the worst thing that could happen it couldn’t possibly come true. I mean, what would be the odds? If my dad went on a business trip I would imagine the plane crashing. In tornado season I would picture our house being blown away. Fun childhood. I’m not sure what started this, but it continued well into my adulthood. None of those things ever happened but the only purpose it served was making me feel scared and hopeless most of the time.

Another cognitive distortion that I identify with is Should Statements. It means holding yourself to unrealistic standards and beating yourself up for not meeting them. Anyone else deal with this one? I have no trouble telling others to cut themselves some slack when they mess up or don’t quite reach a goal, but I have no grace for myself. As a trainer and wellness coach I “should” never miss a workout or I “should” always eat perfectly healthy. It leaves me feeling a complete failure because there is no way to live up to that standard.

Mental Filtering focuses solely on the negatives while ignoring the positives. A person might focus on one negative comment from their spouse and decide the relationship is over, although they have years of positive experiences together. You may have been around people like this. It’s exhausting. Overgeneralization is a similar pattern. We see one negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. A student received a C on a test and therefore concludes they are a failure.

Emotional Reasoning is the acceptance of one’s emotions as fact. “My friends went to a restaurant without me. I feel ignored and jealous, they must not like me anymore.” Or we feel stupid because we don’t understand something, then we must be stupid. Nope, doesn’t work that way. Just because you feel it doesn’t make it true.

Blaming yourself for things outside of your control or thinking that everything people do or say is a reaction to you is called Personalization. Your boyfriend breaks up with you and you assume all the blame thinking if you had been a better partner he wouldn’t have left. The surprise party for your husband was ruined because his friends told him but you feel guilty that it didn’t work out. I get the impression that women struggle with this one more than men. This is just from my general observation, but what do you think?

These are just a few of the examples of cognitive distortion. There are more but they all boil down to one thing: the mind trying to convince us of something that isn’t true. Are any of these recognizable to you? We all fall into these negative thought patterns at times. It’s perfectly normal. It’s when they are left unchecked and allowed to spiral that they can start to impact your mental health. Thankfully, there are things we can do. Check out below for some ideas.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you struggle with cognitive distortion? What helps you move past it? I look forward to hearing from you!

Stay Well, My Friends!

Alicia