Feeling All the Feels

“I’ll just watch one more episode before I go to bed,” I told myself. The familiar anxiety was rippling through my body. Like an unwelcome visitor, it had shown up one afternoon and didn’t seem to have any intention of leaving. I knew as soon as my head hit the pillow it would try to set up permanent residence. The spiral would begin and I would be up for hours. Thus, my desire to hide in TV for a while longer.

Most of us will do just about anything to avoid, minimize, or numb negative emotions. Boss making you angry? Have a few drinks. Sad about your kids’ poor choices? Have a cookie, or three. Getting frustrated with your spouse? Spend more time with your friends or join another club. Anything you can think of, even “good” things, can be used to ignore unwanted emotions. Those obsessed athletes you see pumping iron in the gym and running countless miles might be some of the most hurting, broken people you’ll ever meet.

Avoiding negative emotions is completely normal. There’s a reason we stay in our comfort zone. It’s comfortable! Our bodies and minds always want to take the path of least resistance. But is it the healthiest way forward? Difficult emotions rise, we suppress those emotions by whatever means we habitually use, and then what happens? Those emotions don’t go away. They will come out, one way or another.

When I was a kid, Mother had a job at Sears. She hated that job. Not that she ever said that, but her actions said it for her. She would come home every day so angry and unhappy. Maybe Mother was trying to appear as perfectly capable to handle whatever was asked of her or maybe she felt that complaining or even acknowledging her emotions made her look weak. I don’t know. But rather than deal with the anger and unhappiness in a healthy way she would push them down. They didn’t go away though. They just came home with her. Mother was short tempered and rarely smiled in those days.

This pattern was repeated in my own life many times. Anxiety stemming from fear, anger, guilt, and low self-confidence would be suppressed for a while until they it showed up in short tempered outbursts or actual physical symptoms. Nausea, diarrhea, chest pain, headaches, rashes, canker sores, nail biting and picking, hair loss, and insomnia to name some. Not to mention more hospital visits than I can remember. Sad that so much of that could have been avoided if I had just learned some healthier coping strategies.

One of those healthier strategies is instead of trying to deny my emotion I identify them, sit with them a while. Just let them be. What am I feeling? What are they trying to tell me? Is there something to be done? If not, I just ride it out for a bit. Whatever the emotions are its ok to feel them.

Being sad, upset, or anxious doesn’t mean I’m broken. It just means I am aware. I am alive. I am human. Exactly what I’m supposed to be.

 Stay well, my friends.

Alicia

Edgar Degas’ L’Absinthe