Busy is Not a Badge of Honor

It seems like the standard answer to “how are you doing” has become a long list of to-dos followed by “and I’m so exhausted!” When did it become socially expected that women should be chronically busy and exhausted? We wear it like a badge of honor and proof that we’re doing life “right.” But all that busyness and exhaustion isn’t proving anything except how much we can wear ourselves out.

Why We Keep Pushing Our Limits

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we feel like we have to stay in this constant state of motion? See if some of these reasons sound familiar to you.

“No one can do it as well as I can.” Sometimes that’s true. But often, it’s just easier to keep control than to teach someone else how to do it or, heaven forbid, for it to be done a different way. (I’ve never done it that way!)

Busyness as status. We’ve been taught that being constantly in demand is proof that we’re important. As if we’re only worthy because of what we can do.

Cultural conditioning. For generations, women have been praised for sacrifice. We’ve learned to value ourselves by how much we give, not how well we take care of ourselves. The women who were put on a pedestal in my family were the hard workers. They never stopped, from morning to night. (Oh, and their hair and makeup were usually fixed as well, but that’s a blog for another day.)

Avoidance. Slowing down might mean being alone with our thoughts, and sometimes, that’s uncomfortable, if not downright frightening. I feel like this one may be true for many of us.

Guilt. Taking time for yourself can feel selfish, especially when you’re used to being everything for everyone. And it's hard when all the women around you never stop. It almost becomes a competition.

Fear of falling behind. If we stop, we might lose momentum. And in a world that celebrates hustle, and jobs that pile on more than one worker can do, that feels very scary.

Identity tied to productivity. Who are we when we’re not “doing?”

Many of us will fall into more than one of these categories. And no wonder. It’s a mindset most of us have been taught and rewarded for, over and over again.

The Cost of Never Slowing Down

There are consequences for living like this. You’re probably already feeling them.

Chronic stress from the constant activity can lead to exhaustion, hormonal imbalance, weight changes, and illness.

Relationships suffer when we’re too busy to be present, for anyone, much less ourselves.

Joy slips through the cracks because there’s no time to notice it. You’re just always worried about getting the list done.

We teach the next generation that burnout is normal and that self-care is optional. (Hint: It’s not.)

You may not believe this, but you can still be strong, capable, committed, and worthy without running yourself into the ground.

How to Change Your Mindset

See rest as necessary, not a reward. Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s non-negotiable maintenance, like getting the oil changed in your car.

Ask, “If I step back a little, what’s the worst that could happen?” Most of the time, the answer isn’t catastrophic. Yes, people might get mad, but they'll get over it, and maybe you will set an example that they need to see.

Swap “I don’t have time” for “It’s not a priority.” If that sentence makes you cringe, maybe it’s worth thinking twice.

Stop equating worth with productivity. You are valuable even when you’re sitting on the couch doing nothing. That’s hard to internalize, but it’s true.

Simple Ways to Take Care of Yourself (Without the Guilt Trip)

You don’t have to book a weekend retreat in the mountains to take care of yourself. (Although I sure like the sound of that!) Start small.

Bookend your day with 10 minutes just for you. Read, stretch, meditate, journal, whatever fills you up.

Delegate one thing. Let someone else cook, clean, or handle that errand, even if it’s not done your way. It will be ok.

Schedule downtime. Block it out on your calendar and treat it like a non-negotiable appointment.

Combine rest with tasks you already do. Listen to your favorite music while cooking. Call a friend during a walk.

Say yes to something that brings you joy. Bonus points if it’s completely unproductive.

Practice micro-boundaries. Even a simple, “I can’t do that right now,” counts.

Bottom Line

Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you care less about others. It means you’re investing in your health, energy, and mental space so you can keep showing up, for them, and for you, for many healthy years ahead. That’s not selfish. It's necessary. And it’s the only way you’ll keep going without burning out.

Instead of asking “Can I take time for myself?” ask yourself “Can I afford not to?”

Stay well, my Friends.

Alicia