Bringing Sexy Back

Hello Friends,

Today’s email was inspired by a recent Facebook post. The question was posed: How do you deal with sensuality/sexuality after menopause? Specifically, how do you have the courage to put your less-than-perfect body out there and enjoy yourself? Her phrasing is too good not to share:

“…celebrating the divine feminine is one thing, but actually reconciling the recently resurrected raging libido and wobbly belly is another animal altogether.”

Sing it, Sister!

Feeling sensual is not easy when we don’t feel attractive. And how are we supposed to feel attractive when we’ve been bombarded for years with images of the “ideal woman.” I can assure you that image has never included cellulite, saggy boobs, and wrinkles. More along the lines of Malibu Barbie than Mrs. Doubtfire.

The Menopause Celebrants all exclaim: “Embrace your newfound freedom! You’re a beautiful masterpiece! Learn to love yourself!”

Great advice, but you can’t just flip a switch and all those negative voices in your head go away. They are loud and they run deep.

Side note: The Menopause Celebrants. I like the sound of that. I may start a club. Wrinkles required.

Back to those ingrained voices holding us back from feeling good about ourselves…

My inner voices have told me things like; your head is too big, your boobs are too small, and you have a neck that would make a turkey envious. Well, that certainly makes me feel like a sex goddess!

What do we do about these negative messages? Just ignore them and hope they’ll go away? I wish, but it rarely happens that easily.

But it can happen. It just takes a little more time.

One of the best ways I’ve found to change the voices is to reframe the negative thoughts. You might try it as well. Recognize when the random negative thoughts come up (they always do), and reframe them in a positive light.

“My belly looks huge in that outfit!”

Becomes…

“I realize that’s a negative thought that is completely subjective. Whether I’m carrying extra weight or not, I know that my worth as a person is not dependent on the size and shape of my body. Anyone I’m with who truly loves and appreciates me will also recognize this.”

It may feel silly at first but repeating something like this every time the voices start up will begin to rewire your brain. Like I said before, it will take time, but you CAN replace the negative voices with positive ones. The more you do this the more you will come to appreciate your body, as it is. And feeling good about ourselves is the first step to feeling more sensual no matter what stage of life we’re in.

As for me…

I do still think I have a big head, but I’ve found if you marry someone with an even bigger head it’s not as evident. The turkey neck, ahh well. Modeling was never really in my future anyway. As for the small boobs - I now take deep satisfaction in the fact that I don’t have deep ruts in my shoulders or an aching back from carrying big ones. So, to my high school friends who gifted me Slurpee lids to put in my bra….HA!

Until next time,

Alicia

"Being sexy is all about attitude, not body type. It's a state of mind.” –Amisha Patel